When you’ve strayed from your partner and cheated or had an affair, dealing with the aftermath is not easy. You not only have to face the reactions of your spouse, but you also have to deal with your feelings. There’s nothing easy about dealing with your spouse’s reactions. But to handle it better, you should figure out how you feel about the situation as well. Own the problems that you created when you had an affair.
Are you willing to admit your mistake and try to fix this relationship? If you’re not truly in love with your spouse, maybe a bigger change awaits. But straying doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to end the relationship. The first thing to think about is: if you knew then what you know now, would you do it again? Forget about the reasons why you strayed. They’re in the past, and there’s no changing what you’ve done now.
At this point, most people feel very guilty about their actions. For your spouse to forgive you, you have to forgive yourself. This concept runs parallel to how you think of yourself; how can anyone else think that you’re beautiful if you don’t think you are? Once you can forgive yourself, you open the gates to allow forgiveness from your spouse. Plus, how does hanging onto guilt help your situation? Letting go of guilt does not mean that you love your partner any less because you’re “getting over it.” It simply means that you’re moving into an area where you can actively help your relationship, rather than continuing to beat yourself up over past mistakes.
Do not expect your spouse to trust you again. You have to accept that. If you wanted to trust in the relationship, you should have made different choices in the past. But you didn’t, and now you have to be understanding when your spouse is anxious about where you’ve been and who you’ve been talking to. It may take years for your spouse to get over this anxiety, and they may never get over it. The only thing you can do is commit to being patient, understanding, and comforting when your spouse has those anxious feelings. What are you doing to help your partner get over the affair? If you get defensive, your spouse will automatically put their guard up, and you’ll be right back in the place you were when they found out that you had cheated. You need to help your spouse to find emotional closure. You’ll have to do whatever it takes until your partner finds it. If it requires you to check in with your spouse multiple times a day, then do it. It will require you to be where you’re supposed to be 24 hours a day, seven days a week until your spouse can trust you again.
If you’re truly committed to making things right, look at your relationship with your spouse as a new beginning. If you want a good partner, be a good partner. Control your impulses and realize that you don’t have the right to hurt other people’s lives because you’re not getting what you want when you want it.
