Few things in this world hurt deeper than finding out that your partner or spouse has been unfaithful. Your relationship can not survive if it is based on deception. When infidelity and lies threaten your marriage, what are you supposed to do?
Any time a spouse fulfills their needs by turning away from their partner instead of turning toward them, it’s a betrayal. It’s not just what they do; sometimes, betrayal is what they don’t do. You can violate your partner by withholding affection, not communicating your feelings, or by not allowing them to get close to you as a spouse should. But you need to work out problems in your relationship within your relationship. You cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning to someone outside of it. Before a disaster happens, you need to acknowledge that there is something wrong with your relationship. You can not change what you do not acknowledge. If what’s happening in your marriage is not normal, admit it.
Finding out that a spouse has cheated on you is a lot to handle. It shatters your world, and you may not know which way is up for a while. When you have regained your mind, you will have some big decisions ahead of you. What do you do next? Your partner needs to realize that they have damaged the relationship. They need to listen and understand the full gravity of their actions and how they have affected you. They must acknowledge the damage that their behavior has caused to their self-esteem, mental state, and emotions. It is not your fault that they have cheated on you. But remember, you do teach people how to treat you. If you do not tell your partner how their behavior has hurt you, they will not know.
If you are willing to work things out with your partner after they have had an affair, you need to set some new standards of acceptable behavior. Your partner needs to know what those standards are. Maybe your partner has gotten away with certain things because they know they can. If you are allowing certain behavior to continue by making excuses for your partner and blaming yourself, you need to stop. If you want to be treated with dignity and respect, you need to stand up and demand it.
Marriage is about being committed to one person. No one deserves to be cheated on. People can change, but is the partner who cheated on you able to do so? If they are not able or willing to change, you need to look at your situation and ask yourself if you are willing to settle for this. If you know that things will never change and you stay, can you emotionally handle the repercussions? You should never invest more in a relationship than you can afford to lose. Yes, it might be harder to leave than to stay, but you need to think of your emotions and ultimately do what’s best for you.
